First, you should be really proud of yourself for posting rather then cutting - that is a really positive thing that you reached out for help.

Ok, it's the urge and giving into only makes it worse - talking from experience I wish I had never started. P7 is right, it does not make things better nor does it take away the numbness. If you have a therapist please contact them and if you don't this might be a good time to find a one.

You honestly don't have to start this very dangerous behavior. I can't stress enough that there are other ways to handle things. Here is the thing about feeling numb, you might be feeling numb to avoid feeling other things. Being numb helps avoid the pain momentarily, cutting is the same thing, it's a momentary relief and I know you might think it will help but it won't. Feeling whatever is there might sound intolerable but you can do this and get through it. This will pass and I know may sound impossible but it will. As I am learning, there is a reason why you want to hurt yourself and dealing with that will help take away the urges.

I hope this did not sound like a lecture, but I wish I had known this before I started. I am now learning to feel whatever is there w/o hurting myself and it is super hard b/c I have been doing it for so long.

Let us know how you are doing...