(((Kiya)))
I have experienced these "crashes" quite a bit lately. They are frightening, and exhausting and I do believe that they are the back and forth of the integration work. I know how hard it is to reach out because I have also thought I couldn't. But just try to remember what T has said and shared with you and know that she is the safe place/voice/ear right now.
You have been managing soooo much lately this dip was inevitable...
It's okay to ask for help.
Take gentle care.