(((Cabbage))), I understand how a past miscarriage can affect you so much now in the present. i have never had children of my own, would like to in the future, and I can imagine if the very first was a miscarriage it would touch me deeply inside. It would be something that would be with me all my life even though it is a natural thing to some point, and happens to many women.

On the other hand maybe u are at a crossroad right now and u really don't know which path to follow. It seems that u have a burden on your shoulders that is affecting you and you tend to bring out that sad feeling u had with the miscarriage. I mean, on one side your x-bf calling to say that he loves u, something u longed for so badly from him along time ago and didn't get. Now your mother in law is kind of putting some pressure on u pointing out that u can't have babies, kind of making u feel guilty. Your husband, leave alone his personal depression and suicidal feelings, has had a vasectomy furtherly closing the posibility of descendance.

Don not dwell too much on your past. And don't blame yourself for not being able to produce and fulfil your own expectations, not those of others that are pulling from many different ends... Come at peace with yourself, and your husband, and accept it as a part of life and part of your feminine nature. There are many ways to love and have descendants, but first find peace with yourself. Think also that your past pregnancy happened at a difficult time, when u separated from your bf, and started with your husband, so maybe it's logical that now what happened in that critical time comes out right now..

In deep concern, Rap