i need to get this out in the open. since dave has lived with me i have tried so hard to help him feel comfortable and provide him with good care. when he became psychotic at home he began to become verbally and emotionally abusive to me. real abusive....he made fun of me being bipolar. he said he was living with me cause i was so mentally ill. (i'm his caretaker!) he stated so many things like this with such venom. he brought up that i was an alcoholic (recovering, of 18 years i might add) as tho that made me even worse/bad.
when i got him to the hospital and they immedicately admitted him for acute psychiatric care he was loudly telling everyone i was an alcoholic and bipolar. these are two things i hold to my chest, i am not embarressed i have these dx's but they are private things that i feel i only have the right to reveal if i so choose.
rationally i know he is very ill. rationally i know he won't remember he said these hurtful things. but what i can't shake is the anger and hurt i feel towards his direct actions to me. it brings back my being emotionally, verbally and physically abused in the past and all the feelings i had about being a worthless human being. it was like a trigger inside me that got turned on again. with my prior life situation i could say bye-bye and i did.
with david how do i state to him that that behavior towards me is not acceptable? what i fear is that he will continue to do this to hurt me emotionally and i will finally blow up. i don't want to feel that way. i don't want to hold these resentments. they will lead to more anger and depression. anyone saying you need to remember he's acutely mentally ill with schiz.well that won't cut it with me right now. i need to know how i can resove these feelings within myself. that is what i am seeking by posting this.
i know for a fact from my therapy in the past and what i've learned in AA that resentments are a luxury i cannot afford.
pc friends, can you help me with this?