Thanks for sharing this - I have been feeling really overwhelmed also and thoughts keep racing around. For what it's worth, I'm happy that I am not alone but I do feel bad that you are in so much angst.

Given your post, I don't know if you decided to SI but if you did please don't beat yourself up for it. It does not mean anything other than you decided to cut. You are not "bad" and if you decided not to then you made another choice.

Either way I hope that you are talking to someone about this. About the extreme feelings that you are experiencing. This is not something you have to go through alone, we are here to support you on the board but please let some of the people in your life know what is going on.