max,
I just wanted to say I agree with fayerody totally. What you said was out of PAIN and we are here to support and uplift each other. I am so sorry your having such a hard time right now. But like others have told me please do not be so hard on yourself. Give yourself a break....your not a bad person...you might do some things that others do not like but that does not make you a bad person...no one is perfect...
Wish there was some thing I could say to make your pain go away...I just know from my own situation it just takes time....but posting and having someone to listen too HELPS a lot...so PM me anytime you need someone to talk to I am here too...
take care of yourself and {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}} if you want them