Hi everyone,
I'm still new to this, but I am apparently having a full on episode of BP II, which interestingly ranges from severe depression to panic/shakiness, in just a few minutes. I have posted recently about losing a therapist, and I am working with someone new, who is trying so hard to be supportive.

Unfortunately, my old habits (thinking suicidal thoughts--and self injury) are trying to come back, and I have been stable for so long, that this is terribly hard. Yesterday, I dealt with suicidal impulses all day-- and the day before that it was dealing with the desire to self-injure.

I had forgotten how painful it is in my skin when I'm not stable. I have a therapy appointment today, and am waiting to hear from p-doc regarding med adjustment. I'm still terrified, and I have that dreadful desire to escape this all by dying. I'm not going to-- I am not going to kill myself (sorry just wanted to make that clear). But I am living with the feeling that this would make it all easier, and I have lost who I am.

I am so scared, and I just don't know where to turn. Please everybody or anybody, tell me that I will get through this. I can't seem to know that right now. I just know I'm completely flipped out and want these feelings to end.

kittykins9