I think we have to convince ourselves that we do care about ourselves and aren't just putting up with us :-)

People who are "known", behave a certain way we find attractive and that we can count on, we are attracted to them. However, there's a bit of opposite in there too; we are attracted to people who are like us! So, when you want to be with a person/group, it's because they're being/doing what you like but often, I think we already have some of those things in us. When you asked your "friends" to go out on the town and they said one was sick and you went out with others, you did what "you" wanted. Seeing the others out too should have made you think less of them rather than you!

I had a friend in high school, she's still a friend, 40 years later (we just went to our 40 year reunion this last October) and it's been interesting being friends with her for 40 years! When we were in high school, she would only call me to do something if she "needed" me or had no one else to be with. I still remember she'd call me to drive she and her friends somewhere, not inviting me to wherever it was (she was a jock and often it was to practice/games so wasn't always a good fit) because my stepmother would let me drive and she and her other friends didn't have access to a car. But I remember being "used" in that way when it was convenient to her and I guess I was hurt at the time but didn't "know" it, not having had as much life experience and/or therapy yet :-)

During our reunion in October, she and my one other high school friend got together; they were from out of town so I was kind of the hostess. The other friend is "nice" but kind of boring :-) wasn't much more popular than I was in school. Joan, our user friend (she and Lisa, the other friend, knew each other from childhood; Joan has a twin brother and Lisa is "tall" so when Joan was having trouble with her brother or someone bigger than she was, she'd have Lisa come "beat them up" :-) I realized, is just a more "shallow" person than Lisa and I are. She doesn't do a lot of deep introspection and doesn't really have a clue she uses people. I think there are a lot of people who are like that; charming, fun, whatever but just "surface" people who see simple cause-and-effect. Trouble? Get Lisa, she's bigger. Need a car? Perna has one! Joan doesn't take feelings into account when problem solving?

If I were your age again, I'd tell myself to look at the other people and what their actions tell me about them, rather than looking at how they make me feel. I have learned that I can't learn much about "out there" from looking inside myself? I don't have the experience! I need to get the experience of being with all types of people, those who like me, those who tolerate me, those who don't want anything to do with me and experience those people from "their" point of view. If I look at their actions, how they treat Person X, Person Y, Me, Person Z, and how Person Z acts toward them and whether that's similar or different from what Person X does. . . I need to look at the situation and its "parts" dispassionately!

You're going to be an engineer :-) look at it like you would an engineering problem and extend your timeframe too. Don't look at a single episode, but look at it over time; does Person Y ever approach you? When? What's going on? Where's Person Z at that time. . . Yes, you will be hurt if you want Person X, or Y, or Z or Group XYZ to include you and they don't but I think if you shift your focus when something happens that makes you wonder from the personal to the dynamic, it might ease a bit of the pain and you might learn something about them (and make an independent decision that they're not worth YOUR time)?

Put yourself first. . . not in the sense of how you feel but in what you are doing and why. You have your own goals, stay with them and work on them always and you'll hurt less from what others do. If you want to learn to be more outgoing, for example, you have to practice that with all sorts of people but it's you and your practice that should matter, not the response. When you are waming up before a concert, you're not paying attention to the other instruments that are warming up too; they're doing their warmup, you're doing yours. Practice your being friendly and more outgoing and don't worry about the other people; you know how cliquey those percussion people are :-)