*agrees that music can help, although it's sometimes a trigger for me *

I'm wondering, if this online previous boyfriend is controlling in some way?

Do you feel he is upset when not talking to you? Why do you feel the need to always be talking to him, and not hanging out with friends? Sometimes, and sometimes even without meaning to, a person can be very controlling of you, and that can create depressed feelings.

Long term relationships are very difficult, I wonder, when you go to college will you be completely long distance? I fear if it is, with your past history of trouble with it, going back to him knowing you are going to be going away would be a bad thing.

It's all up to you, I'm just curious to know a bit more.

sending many a hug your way