Hi All,

I have missed you so much but have some limited internet access now so trying to catch up on a few things. I think almost 5 weeks ago today I was preparing for my Wed apt when I last wrote but can't find the post wondering what would happen at the apt and fearing I would be hospitalized because not only of my depression/anxiety but becasue of the thoughts I was having. I thought it would be a short med change and we would hopefully be back on our way. Well it has turned out to be about 3 weeks stay in one hospital then transferred to what is supose to be one of if not the best hospital around these parts to treat such problems. I am here and have started recieving ECT treatments again which i had last spring and they helped very much back then. I am hoping between this new course of ECT treatments and the adjustments they are working on med wise will put me in a better place. This Thur will mark my 2nd week at this hospital for 5 weeks in total never what I expected. I feel very lost and alone here unable to talk to alot of the patients out of fear and anxiety just when I thought I was doing a little better I hit another slump and they changed my room and I think that has set me back. I am still fighting the depression right now as I have had only a few treatments. I often get more depressed and sad at night and feel like crying but trying to hold it together so they don't worry but it is not always easy. Sometimes just checking in with my contact person makes me cry as someone sits there asking my questions and listening they seem like they care and I feel my progress is just not where everyone thinks it should be and I know how tough this is on my mom who comes to visit almost if not everyday. I can't believe it has been so long since I have seen my sister and my sweetheart Tierra who was supose to be having her own little surgurey at the vets and we have had to post pone that. I miss her so much when you have a dog I am sure like most pets they are part of the family and she is my baby to be away from her this long makes me sad. I haven't had time to stop by our virtual community yet but was thinking about it and all the nice folks that are living there and how I need to get caught up on the news. I guess I will have to stop by the pool hall if I get time or the coffee shop. I hope everyone here is hanging in with their own trials and please know I keep you all in my daily prayers that someday we may all find peace and happiness again. I sure know I could use a break from all of this. Madasgram or Madisgram can't remember how she writes it now has left me a msg or 2 in my inbox so she has made it a little easier for me to come back here. I feel almost like an outsider be gone so long but I knew this was the place to turn to where people would understand. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I will all of you. Let me know what has been happening and how u all are as I will not get to read all the old post but will mark this one if you want to update me on how u r so I can find msg quickly in one area. Thinking of you all and hoping for a peacful night.
Andy