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I wonder if I have selective mutism because I do not think i am shy I can easy have a conversation with my friends or fellow classmates ,but when it comes to someone I admire or a teacher I feel very uncomfortable. Just being in their presents or seeing them in the hall makes me panic. It interferes with my daily life because I can never ask them for help or raise my hand in class. A few days ago I was getting ready for mid-term exams. I was asking people around me for help on a chemistry problem this girl yelled out go ask (teacher's name) signifying her own frustration with the problem. we were but two yards from him so she did not have to be that lowed to get his attention. I was petrified, I saw the teachers face of surprise not at the girl but me thinking "maybe she will ask for my help" because he know, from observation of past days, that I would rather ask 10 people before him. I was able to look back at my paper pretending to work on it as he went back to what he was doing on the computer. Also, at our school we have a marching band class I love it: it is my favorite class. This year I wanted to apply to be a "DI" (help people with marching, music, assistant to the section leader). I am afraid she will not select me thinking I am too shy but I think I would be go at it and enjoy it, I am not shy I cannot be. As for the people I admire I do not believe I can ever have a boy friend or be friends with the people I really value. It leaves a emptiness I become angry with myself for my inability to control these anxiety like feelings. Most resantly I handed in a homework assignment a day late and never got it back. For a week I so wanted to ask him for it because I would need it later to study. I still do not have it and now it is to late it is probaly lost or throw away. This problem started in 6th grade and is only increasing, I cannot understand why. I do not know how I am going to solve this problem and I believe it will hamper my adult professional life.
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