(((((((((((((((((ktgirl))))))))))))))))))

Early in therapy, I HATED how T stared at me. I felt SO judged. I even told him about it - AND HE KEPT LOOKING AT ME. Ugh. It infuriated me.

I actually almost quit therapy over it, very early on. I can't even remember how we worked through it now. I think he explained to me that he was being present with me, and paying attention. And I think it felt uncomfortable to me because I am not USED to someone paying positive attention to me, and it felt threatening. I guess we talked about it...a LOT.

Now, believe it or not, I love that he pays such close attention to me. Honestly and truly. I know that he really does care about me, that he really is being present with me, that he is 100% THERE for me and 100% WITH me while I am in that room. It means a lot to me.

I didn't look at him for months and months and months. I would peek while he was talking (because he would tend to not be watching me so intensely when he was talking) but I NEVER looked at him while I was talking. I look at him a lot more now. I trust him so much. But it took MANY MONTHS to get to that point.

I know how good it would feel to skip over this hard part of building trust....but it really is part of the process, and it really takes time. Don't give up. Talk about how it makes you feel. I know that my biggest growth in therapy has come not from talking about past traumas (although that has been huge too), but from talking about how I am feeling right in that moment, in that room, with him.

You are working so hard. Be gentle with you. Breathe. This won't feel better right away....but you are moving in the right direction, and that is a big thing in itself.

Love and hugs to you!!!