thanks for the replies. my school is very small and it seems there is no therapist. Also i live overseas in Taiwan and i don't really speak Chinese well enough to see a local therapist. I'll be going back home in a few moths and i will definitely see someone then. The thing is only one of my closest friends actually understands me when i talk about depression but talking only helps for the next five minutes. I also think that this friend has the same problems. Now the big problem is that it's generally only getting worse, although i do feel ok for a week or so sometimes and become very energetic, but after that it's all back and usually much worse. I'm now at the point where i have to hand in important essays at school and although i know i'll fail if i don't do them i don't feel the least bit compelled to start writing (i was supposed to start halv a year ago). I just don't care about anything anymore. Another thing that's happened is that i'm dreaming awfully much lately. I usually remember at least 3 dreams each night. I always die in them. Sometimes i kill myself and other times it's just an accident, but mostly i try to save someone i love and then fail so they and me both die. I just don't know what this means. I think i also have a drug problem, although i'm not exactly sure. I've done lot's of stuff including ghb, nicotine, meth, chloroform and ketamine. I know the stuff is bad for me, but it's just not an option. The strange thing is that i don't feel the need to take anything at all during those weeks where i feel better. That's preety much what i'm dealing with right now.