Wow, I can honestly say that I have felt that way and I'm happy you put it into words. I can really understand the need to attack yourself b/c I feel stupid, ashamed, embarassed, and scared. I want to believe b/c I am an adult I should not be acting this way and I am currently in the process of trying to decide if it is worth opening b/c I go through this.

What I am learning is that as hard as it is I beat myself up anyway. I have started to finally talk about the feelings from childhood and at times I would rather eat glass then go through it; the truth is that they are just feelings, I hate them and want them to go away but the feelings have been there since early childhood when the abuse started and if I gave them a voice they are yelling to come out and be recognized.

You are doing an amazing job in opening up and it sounds like your therapist is very responsive to your needs. I often feel like what is the point? Is it really going to help in the long run, talking about this and then experiencing the spiral? I decided that given how hard I have tried to avoid it it might be ok to talk and learn to deal with the "after effects".

So...I know this is hard and I'm sorry that you are in so much pain but you can get through this. If you both think that taking it slower is a better idea then you should, but whatever you decide I hope you know that you are not alone in feeling that way; my therapist has told me that there is some freedom at the end of this, not having to make choices based on my past and feel so ashamed about who I am.