Thatnkyou Leslie..

I've actually put a blade in my wallet.. I feel unsafe going anywhere without it now. I could try the freezing the blades thing, but I don't know if I can, because I'll go crazy and do something really stupid then.. Or if I do get to them, I might cut really bad because it'd be a punishment for trying to stop myself..

Connor said today when he saw me that he's worried baout me, because I keep saying I want to kill myself and I've even started saying it to people face to face.. Now Alec knows a few more things and realises I've been holding back a lot more than he knew about. I can't seem to help it.. I just don't trust anyone at all. I try to talk to Chris as much as I can because I trust him a bit, but I still find it hard.. I can't look him in the eye when I talk about stuff.. Especially when it's about wanting to end it

I'm gonna dissociate and some point and then will be when I take another overdose or something.. Dammit.