mmrrummffphhh. really anxious and tired... confused and overwhelmed. i have an awful head/neck/backache and forgot to carry my pain killers today... and i'm concerned about my symptoms... have nagging fears.

some people talk like they think i'm not really trying on this... ugh! (elsewhere) that bothers me... gets me teary. i know i'm honestly putting everything i can into it... which is sometimes about nothing... which seems like i'm not trying, but i'm doing my best... i hate people thinking i'm not being real. dunno why it bothers me so much... and i'm kinda rambling.

i read over my last post and it looks so... negative and unobjective. but it really was as real and objective as i could be and as i could assess the situation... which is unfortunate.

maybe i shouldn't post when i'm disorganized, confused, tired and pained... i ramble. but i feel like i need to... i feel really very needy. maybe that's not so bad to be needy... i think i have good reason to feel this way... maybe.

meh.