I cetainly can relate to this. I have never actual admitted that deep down I am always waiting for anyone I even slightly open up to will walk away in disgust or turn away without telling me why. I am always so on guard that I have a difficult time letting anyone in and relaxing or just have fun. I hate feeling this way and of course I always blame myself, even with my T I have felt she didn;t want to work with me and I almost quit. I think it was all in my head. I so want to trust my T and others in my life. Will it ever happen? I hope and pray that it does and for you too. Your post was like a slap in the face Wake up! How can you have a relationship if you can't trust. A thought to bring to my T and discuss if I feel I can trust and open up that day. It is a day to day struggle, but I think that there a small moments of relief that will some day become bigger.