As what the subject says I'm trying not to have a relapse but it seems that without cutting myself I will be miserable. I miss the habit so much that I want to do it again, but I'm trying so hard not to give in the cravings and to start feeding the bad dog.

I know that self cutting is socially unacceptable but deep inside I feel that it's the only way for me to see some kind of a relief.

Yesterday a friend of mine had surgery and I was actually jealous of her..
because I knew she was going under the knife. the concept of surgery is very appealing to me.

I guess I should stop now before I get myself into trouble.

I have to learn to keep things to myself, even know I want to share them with others. It's difficult expressing yourself without having others looking at you funny and thinking that you're crazy.

I'm so very tired, sooo very tired.