This should really be in the relationships forum, but a lot of it triggers me so I wanted to put it here instead?? If it's ok....

I struggle with relationships now. I think I have done ever since I were a kid. I don't think I've made friends since I was a child. My parents were friends with another family who had a little boy around the same time as I were born (the day after in fact) so we kind of grew up together and were immediately friends. We went to nursery, infant and primary school and high school together (although our friendship dwindled we still spoke). Anyway... the friends I had were only ever friends of my friends... I was never able to get to know anyone myself. I did have a VERY close friend though... for about 16 years... that ended suddenly.
My family isn't very close. I don't get on with my older brother and the relationship between me and my father is very strained.

I don't want to mention most of them here, but I've had many close relationships end suddenly and badly (this is something I've only really noticed in this past couple of weeks with T).
Anyway... I think this may be the reason for my problem I wanted to talk about. I can't trust people anymore. I can't get close to people anymore. It scares me. I know I'm going to work on this when I get my T, but I just needed to say it all.
Lately I've been getting close to someone and I can't help it... it's petrifying me. I want to step back from it and let it go but I can't. It's strange having someone care about me when I'm not used to it. But, it still tugs at my heart... just little things you know? It's not right. I'm gonna hurt that person as ell as me.

**sigh**

I'm sorry for my long rant. Thank you though if you did read it all. I just needed to get it all out, you know? I'm amazed I was able to write this much, even if it is mostly babble, I used to struggle a lot with getting things out.

Molly