It is very confusing, for both me and others. It's not that I call out for help and then when i get it, I don't want it I just want to hurt myself.. It's more that I find it difficult to open up to people because of the way I feel and because of what they might decide to do, like admitting me.

I went to the dr's and Connor turned up without my knowledge and gave the dr a letter. He'd come on here and read some of my posts. Scary stuff, but.. I guess he knew that there was a lot more going on than I was letting on. He gave the dr the letter and after I'd read it, he left (he asked if I wanted him to leave) so the dr and I could talk through it. I almost cried!

But the dr's getting in touch with the psych team again, so I can just splurge it all out in one go and then see what happens. I guess there'll be someone coming with me knowing all the stuff to prompt me if I try to miss anything out. He's also sending the letter that Connor wrote, to them.

Also had a pregnancy test done, that came out negative.. Still not sure how to feel about that really, but will probably update when i decide to think about how I feel and such.

Apart from that, I've taken the day off college because of the pains (again) and will be going back tomorrow.