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Feb 12, 2009, 07:47 PM
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((( vpariah ))) 
I'm sorry you lost your dad. When you lose a parent as a kid, it's a lifelong void that can never be filled. Ever. And suicide just makes it harder to understand.
I was in the fourth grade when I lost my father. I had just turned 10. I was the first kid to have a parent die.
I remember for the longest time I couldn't say the words "he died." When another kid asked me about my father, all I could say was "I don't have a father."
He died Memorial Day weekend. June was Father's Day and kids were making cards in art class. I didn't know what to do. I remember staring at the blank piece of paper wishing someone would tell me what to do.
I also went through a horrible period of being afraid to go to sleep because I thought I'd die. (When they told he he died, they said he went peacefully, he died in his sleep.) I would struggle for what seemed like hours to keep my eyes open.
I have very few memories of him and the ones I do have are "snapshots" not actual moving / talking memories.
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