Cant hold together.

Stay in hospital all day, living by triggers EVERYWHERE, ever SECOND, get home , break down. So much pain all at once. But I have to keep going. Can't leave him alone, can't stand being alone.

I just can't take care of both of us, so I take care of him...
I need to let the hospital take care of him now, the day I brought him in I needed to take care of him literally, I was sick too, not doing well but he comes first.
Today - I needed to be there to make not alone, but being hter ehurts so much. I do it for him, but with him sick there's no one to take care of me back.

So I lose it. All my energy spent on caring for him, I have nothing left to protect myself, all my time spent in a world full of triggers, I can't escape the pain.

help, I call but no one can
I HURT