(((( everyone )))) Thank you.

I so appreciate being able to come here for support when I'm wringing my hands over something. It is so releiving and I appreciate all of your thoughtful replies and hugs.

When I was a kid, I was afraid to sleep in my own bed in my own bedroom. So I slept on a lower bed beside my sister. That still wasn't enough and I would ask her to hold my hand. All I had to do was say her name "(name)?..." and over the edge of her mattress would come her arm so I could hold onto her hand.

And that's just what it feels like when I come here, needing. Thanks for holding my hand

I went as I knew I would. For once I didn't want to run from this even though I was worried. No punishment, no retaliation, no anger returned. Whew!

It was a good session. After the discussion that followed "So, I got your messages..." I felt so accepted. I was able to be more open. One thing we talked about is how after some sessions, I start thinking she is totally disgusted by me. It starts slowly then grows (as I feed the thought with 'proof') and can get overwhelming and can cause such anxiety that I crawl back inside my shell and that can last a long time. These kinds of sessions make me want to throw that shell away, because being out feels so much better.