Wow, I really just can't agree with much you say bonaire...maybe we were brought up differently, or just our experiences are that much different, but your explinations of trust and jealousy...what?

I cheated on my wife 5 years ago. I took her a long time to trust me again. She forgave me, our marriage went on and we were ok, but the trust had to rebuild. I broke a promise, all the questions and talking ... was nothing but directed at me. It was my fault, I broke the trust and in no way was it or should it have been self-directed.

When you totally trust someone and they break that trust, ouch. It's not self-directed at all, it's directed at the person who hurt you, because they borke that trust. If I promised you a new bike for Christmas and you didn't get it, I break our trust, where is the self accusation there? If I promise to not cheat on you, I break the trust, where is the self accusation there? Yes anger does occur, because your mad the person you trusted did something to break that trust.

Jealousy - some have, some don't, and goes hand-in-hand with trust. I do agree that nagging sucks, but if man is open and loves his partner, he has nothing to hide, and talks to his partner. If I say I am going to be home at 5, and I am not, I choose to call my wife and let her know what's up. I don't come home at 6 or 7 and then get pissed because she's gonna ask questions, my gosh, that should be expected! Of course they are soothing trust, because you basically promised something and broke it.

To the point now...you say previous infidelity, was that with you or others? Either way, you have the right to be mistrustful and maybe a little jealous, but deal with it in healthy ways. Again, and I can't stress this enough, communication is huge in relationships. He has to know that it will take time to build trust with him, basically if he loves you he will build that trust again, and with each passing day, it will fade a little, until you have no reason to not trust him, but he has to know what's going on, why you don't trust him. Jealousy on the other hand, is a hard one. I find myself from time-to-time getting a little jealous, but it fades fast, because I trust my wife. Again, they go hand-in-hand. If you can trust him, there is no reason to be jealous.

If you can't get him to talk, then about the only thing I really agree on here is counseling, they are trained to get things out of you that maybe you can't get out of him.

GL!