I appreciate the feedback on my note. I re-read it and I didn't really write it well. Sometimes, I will rationalize stuff and not add the emotional content that should be there. What I don't understand is how much emphasis is put on the physical relationship itself. A spouse will give up so many boundaries for the other - but when it comes to the physical part, it's so much bigger. What about a person who is active in their younger years who then goes and overeats and ruins their health while married. They've affected the trust that the other person had on them to stay healthy. You can see how I rationalize things - leaving out the true emotion. (I have problems, as we all do, so one reason I hang around here).

It's such a gray area. Someone will end a marriage day-one after their partner has an affair. Another will "hang on" because they need the income to survive. They will have trust issues for years, ignore the marriage, treat their husband like a distant cousin, be emotionally distant - all because they can't live on their own. Which is "better"? Our society sometimes teaches us "he cheated, he's out" - but then also offers us shows like Desperate Housewives which "glamorizes" it. People just have too much input to make proper decisions - so they make decisions based on circumstance. For me, it's a rough road because my wife is distant to me. Rarely hugs, or even smiles at me. It's been over 4 years since it happened. So, which situation would I want to be in? Cut-off or hanging-on? I think it would have been healthier to break it off. Wife said she forgave me - however, I still live day to day with a strong resonance from it.

Ok - back to the original poster. Do you think you can life "free" with the bf after all this? Can you give your whole heart and soul to him without fear of trust issues, jealousy? If not, he doesn't deserve to be hung-around just to drag what's left on. He and you may be better-off with new spouses which you can then start all over with. Sure, trust issues may reoccur with the new guy if you think "he'll just do the same thing as prior bf" - but everyone is different. Everyone earns respect and trust. However, we must all learn to adapt to new circumstances and resurrect trust even though something happened in the past to break it. If that cannot happen - a couple will go to their graves with trust issues that spoil and poison the relationship for the entire time.