Hi Pistol02 and welcome to PC...

I'm sorry about your relationship and all you both have experienced and endured. It is hard sometimes for even the closest of unions to work through major trama,,,even when we Love so dearly...

Think of your marrage as the clearest pond...as you approach you can see the bottom, the shiny rocks and healthy marine plants rolling softly with an unseen current... and if the wind is still,,even your reflections look back against this tranqual scene...

Then rocks are thrown and splash, turmoil, white water and ripples of all sizes running from the impact into other ripples from other impacts...It is chaos from what was Peace...

Rocks have fallen into your relationship..some thrown by each of you,,some acts of God....

It is impossible to see the bottom now or even anything resembling what you both saw at one time.....until...

You wait and breath slowly,,and wait some more,,and think about then a while ago when all was quite...

Then ask yourself,,is that picture what I want...with this man...and hopefully he will ask it too....and if that is what you both want...then work for it and stop throwing stones.....

We have many members here who know about loss and I'm sure they will add something to your post...

With Care,

Lenny