((((((((((((((((kittykins)))))))))))))))))))))))

Wow, what a crappy situation. I am so sorry - I know you are in a bad place right now, and questioning whether or not you can trust T must make it feel so much worse.

I can only speak from my own experience....but I have had some MAJOR misunderstandings with T...situations that made me wonder if I really could trust him, if he really did care, if he had ANY idea what he was doing....and I have always made myself try to work it out with him. The first time we had a rupture was the hardest - I spent the weekend in tears, SO confused and upset - but I went to my next appointment, and we talked and talked, and he heard me and apologized and I knew he meant it. In some ways, that's when I felt like my "real" therapy with him began.

We have had ruptures, big and small, since then...sometimes they have required multiple between-session phone calls, sometimes it can wait until the next session...but working through those ruptures has been the absolute FOUNDATION of my growth in therapy. I am sure of that.

That is MY experience, but perhaps it will give you a glimmer of hope...enough to go on Tuesday, and hear what she says, and talk about what happened.

Sometimes things can't be "fixed"...like if T just says something stupid, there is obviously no way he can go back and unsay it....so sometimes I have to just trust that he has my best interest at heart, accept that he is human, and learn to let it go.

I have a very close, very trusting relationship with T now...but there have been lots of bumps along the way (and there are sure to be more). Maybe, maybe, maybe this will be an opportunity to grow with your T rather than an opportunity to run away...

Be gentle with you, and stay safe...