Hi everyone. I have finally admitted that I am an alcoholic. I just returned from my first AA meeting and leaving here to go to another one soon. I am not doing this alone. My friend and I went out to karaoke last night and we were drinking and just out of the blue I told him we should quit and start going to AA meetings. We agreed to talk about it today and went on with our night. He asked me this morning if I still wanted to quit and then we called the local chapter and went to a meeting.

I have been drinking pretty heavily now for about 5 years. I've cut back here and there, but have lately been drinking 6 or 7 a night on worknights, and a 12 pack or more on weekends. I usually share about 5 or 6 pitchers with people when I go out. My friend is the same way, only he's been drinking for around 12 years, and actually has a keg fridge at his house with a tap. He goes through a keg in about 3 weeks, usually by himself. He's tried the program before, but only because people told him he had a problem. We discussed things at length this morning waiting to hit the meeting.

I am a freaking mess right now. The meeting was so emotional. Hearing people's stories and thanking god it never got that bad for me, thanking god that I'm catching it now before it's too late. We both realize how insanely lucky we are after all these years and have now realized that something or someone was watching out for us. I think this is the reason we came together. Bad thing is, he's going to Vegas on Thursday with his dad and brother, and I'm having all my girlfriends over Friday for jacuzzi, manicures, and drinking. Neither of us will say that we won't drink for those occasions...but we have decided that if we do, it will be the last time. We knew that if we waited to go to a meeting until afterwards, we wouldn't go. We knew we had to do it now.

So...I don't know if I've hit this part of me from all of you. I know there definetly have times in chat that I've been open about the fact that I was drinking, but I don't think I ever let on just how often or how much I drank. I know there is a drug and alcohol forum here, but I can't go there just yet.

I know I am not alone in this. I know I have all of you and I am so thankful for that. I also have my friend. We're in our 13th hour now. It's going to be pretty tough for me in the coming months, so please understand if I'm not myself or just disappear for awhile. I will always keep you posted, no matter what.

Please don't think that my fun nature was just beer. That really isn't true. The rest of my life is going so well and getting healthier, so I'm glad that I'm taking this step. Guess I'll be taking about 12 steps soon. =)

All I can say is that I won't drink today. I love you all so much!!

Rayna

PS-This might be mean to say, but I felt like I had to say it. I know AA isn't for everyone, in fact I've even discussed it with people. But it's something I really need to do, so I can't hear any negativity. Please don't think that I would expect that from anyone, but even in an off way, I just can't hear negativity about the program. Please don't take that the wrong way.