I realized my last session that I have a tendency to shut down when things get to close. Last week I was babbling along feeling pretty good and out of no where I totally shut down and started to cry (which I struggled to keep contained) I couldn't talk or think I just hurt and wanted to get the hell out of her office. Afterwards I tried to think what triggered this response and I couldn't find it. I find this happens in therapy and when I try to journal. My whole mind just blanks out and I either tell myself this is silly or get me out of here I can't handle this. I do remember telling her I think I deserve it ( the abuse), how she got me back is a mystery. I am nervous about next week. I haven't been able to journal this week too busy and it is just too hard and scary to see how I really feel on paper. I guess it becomes too real. Thanks for being here and letting me get these little thoughts out.