yup... it all makes sense... far too much sense, as that is like reading a page from my own journal.
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Originally Posted by Earthmama
to be able to hold yourself together during these last 10 months of school
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this hit home too.... that's exactly where I am. some memories... sometimes no memories... trying to get through t with no words... things comping up in between, the body being ill, but i need to hold it together through the same last 10 months of grad school. guess all we can do is go at the pace we can go. and keep reaching out. I don't remember feeling out of control as a lil kid either - doing that would have gotten me beat (showing others i was out of control) so it is something i replicate now - feeling out of control but not showing it. ppl on the outside believe me to be fine, well balanced, calm... except for my 2 drs and case worker who know me well and have seen me in "nervous mode". One step at a time... k? ***safe hugs***
Quote:
Originally Posted by hangingon
Thanks, kiya, sittingatwatersedge, and phoenix.....
The hard part is, as a little child I don't remember feeling out of control because I only remember things right to the point they were about to happen and then the memories are gone. I do remember fear when they were about to happen and I knew something was wrong.
I can recall things said, going into the bathroom, person coming to my bed ect....but then, it's as if I blacked out, I don't remember what happened during or after.
In talking about it, emotions are coming up that I can't really explain. I only have one memory from start to finish when I was a bit older. This makes it much more frustrating. I've had one memory surface since talking about the abuse but I haven't told my T about it yet.
In the back of my mind there is this fear of more that will come up, things that I don't want to know. If that makes sense.
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Credits: ChildlikeEmpress and Pseudonym for this lovely image.
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