Bellaviolet (Beautiful Violet) How lovely!

You don't mention if you have had therapy about this abuse or if you are in therapy.

Really, your Dad is/was dead wrong
Really, you neighbour abused you
Really, you need to stop being in denial
Really, if you don't get real it will plague you forever!

Really, forgiveness has absolutely nothing to do with it. That is a lie from the pit. It stops you from seeing the reality of what was what. Granting forgiveness is a smokescreen to dealing with the abuse.

When I'm plagued with the idea to forgive and I do mean plagued, I defer to the words: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". Not even He said: "I forgive you" to humanity. He deferred it to the Father.

Respectfully,
Ice