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This T sounds like a Neanderthal to me. His conception of the world sounds very simplistic and rigid, esp. for a T--who should have a more sophisticated understanding of human relations.
He's the guy who disclosed the name and number of another patient while you were in the office, right? I would've terminated right there, and this recent stuff is very problematic to me.
The flight or fight thing is overblown, a false dichotomy, and not necessarily related to your situation. People can do neither--they can stay and try to reason and act collaboratively, for one. A person can also just walk away having sized up the other person or situation and seeing if it’s not worth fighting or fleeing from. By putting the situation into flight or fight terms he's putting you on the spot, belittling you, trying to justify his behavior by labeling you as someone unwilling to face some realities. Maybe you just don't want to address them the way he wants you to, hence you leave. Perfectly rational and non-cowardly. If you are leaving to avoid facing your issues at all, that's a problem, but it's also completely subjective. Maybe he's not right for you, and instead of fighting with him, you don’t get into it without someone not worth the time. By framing things as he has—or the world as being a F or F world, he’s demonstrating his fight persona and is engaging in self-aggrandizement. You don't need to prove yourself to him--so I see self-abuse in the idea of seeing him a few more times to prove him wrong and then ending with him. Don't waste your time trying to convince a T that your behavior is healthy and proper if you plan on ending and disagree with him.
I don't get all of the SI stuff; it's not something I do. But what if every T refused to work with patients who SI, where would they go then? Would they have to go without therapy because they engage in a behavior that is part of why they need therapy to begin with? Lawyers represent people they know are guilty of murder--it seems far worse for T's (in general) to refuse to treat people for engaging in the behavior they need therapy for to help stop in the first place.
I'm bewildered by his ultimatum. For buying an instrument? Isn't every home equipped with multiple means to SI already? His threats just set things up so that you'll avoid not telling him important things or engaging in deception. We should all feel free to be open with our T's that they'll help us work on what we are dealing with. If a patient can't feel comfortable enough that they can be fully open and honest with their T, to the point of living under the strong--realistic--fear of termination--it's not a healthy relationship. It hurts the patient.
It is an ultimatum. A T shouldn't be in the business of controlling patients, which is what an ultimatum represents. T's should accept their patients as they are and try to help them change as they need/want. Refusing to treat if a T doesn't get his way is backwards to me. Dealing with people by issuing ultimatums can easily be immature and ego-centric. I don't know how serious your situation is or history with SI has been, but it seems over-controlling to me. And termination is the ultimate threat (in most ways). Would termination help you, or is threatening it a representation of a T who treats a patient like a child, like someone who should follow orders from him? Like the parent who tells the kid she'll abandon her if she doesn't behave. It sounds like a kind of cruel mind-game he's playing on you in order to control you.
Putting you in in-patient if you cut? There are hordes of people on this site who SI and I've never heard about a threat to commit for admitting to doing so. That's the other major threat to face from T--that they'll hospitalize you, so it, too, is a barrier to believing in your T. Assuming you’re not talking about something extreme.
I can't imagine that I'd ever have faith in this guy based on what you're written here.
Good luck in working with this very complicated, sensitive set of issues, but don’t feel like you need to please T, or be afraid to walk and find a new T. It's a lot of stress for anyoen to go through.
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out of my mind, left behind
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