((((Earthmama, ktgirl, hangingon, Kiya )))) - thankyou - no I cant call - there are no calls inbetween sessions and she is away councilling at the bush fires - Im just tired now - exhausted - feel like ive run a marathon - took sleeping pills the lat 2 nights - have one left for tonight - ive managed to push it to the back of my mind - where i hope it will stay till tuesday -

tried the counting things - but I couldnt remember the names - it would have looked so funny - one yellow thingy, one white square thing, then i lost my colours so it was one thing... two thing... pain worked...
its just there... the scary panic - but i am keeping it at bay - its hard to admit this is a memory coming back - hard to admit what i saw was me - I tell myself that was then this is now - but it feels like now - not long till tuesday - saturdays almost over....breathe.........lights on thats a good thing... lights on .. in control....

I drew tonight Kiya - I drew the child that I see as my pain, sitting on the pavement huddled in the rain - empty, alone, but I drew her, she is not alone anymore - I am with her. Maybe that is what i will draw next - me sitting beside her.... so she is not alone - we are not alone anymore - Stay safe everyone