((earthmama))

While reading your post two things struck me. First, your description of the ebb and flow of therapy is spot on. Sometimes we are hanging onto T for support and sometimes we are archeologists of ourselves. Nice job. I have also felt frightened while moving from one mode to the other, sort of "knowing" that there is hard work ahead and it will hurt inside.

Now, it appears that T has been super supportive during this difficult time while you negotiate your health issues. I was thinking that you need to have a frank conversation with little earthmama about how you know she is scared. You can validate her experience and at the same time parent her by telling her that sometimes people do not always behave the way they should and don't tell the truth--that they frighten children but that you and T are there to keep her safe now and she doesn't have to worry. You can put this in letter form and read it. Just tell her everything you would tell your own child who had this frightening experience. Then, maybe you can use the letter to start off with T?

Anyway it was just a thought. I just know from my own experience that the more I validate my child self, the better my whole self feels. I am so sorry you are so anxious. Don't forget to use the klonopin as well.

Safe gentle hugs.