(((earthmama)))

Deep, long, slow breaths.

Reading your posts reminded me of my own work with T these past few weeks. I had to make a decision, and all week I felt like I was trapped in a no-win place of anxiety. Damned if I do, damned if I don't sort of situation. I finally called T to talk to him about it, and T said I was experiencing 'existential anxiety'.

So, of course, I dove into reading about it, and trying to figure out what the heck was happening to me.

In essence, the anxiety comes from recognizing that we have a choice, and that we are responsible for our decisions. Is the choice we are making the right choice? What are the consequences associated with that choice?

It sounds like you're in a place where the issue from your childhood is forcing you to make a choice. Either you talk, and accept the path of having talked, or you choose not to talk and you accept the path of having stayed silent.

All week, as I struggled with my decision, I would repeat to myself. 'I have a choice', and 'I accept responsibility for my choice'. Somehow that helped my anxiety reduce and get to a manageable level. It was *really* hard, but now that my choice is made, the anxiety is gone.

I don't know if that helps. If not, just take some long-distance support!