Sounds like the pads are a security thing.I know that might sound odd.But you feel safer with it even though you know you dont really need it.
My baby has a dummy at bedtime.
Some babys have blankets.
Some adults have good luck charms,Rabbit foot,Four leaf clover.

My secret is i take a small teddy with me everywhere.

Try looking for a self-help group.Start with 30 mins then 60mins.And once you start feeling comfortable just have a pad in your bag then gradually go without.
Make sure you do it step by step and at the pace your comfortable at
Maybe see your professional about some social help