Thanks you for the replies everyone. i think i'm going to ask to be tested/screened for a dissociative disorder once i find another psychiatrist

..to answer INaBox's questions--

my parents split up when i was about 2 or 3 months old, so i have no memory of them ever being together. They had joint custody of both me and my sister. We would go over to his place on weekends. The first episode of physical abuse i can remember was when i was 3 years old. (he choked me) Over the next few years, he was verbally abusive(made fun of me, called me names and such) and neglected us at times. Sometimes he would leave me and my sister in his appartment for hours when he went out. One time when he did this, my sister (who is about a year older than me and around the age of 3 or 4 and i was 2 or 3 when this happened) called my mom on the phone and told her we were left alone. From then on, whenever my dad went out and left us, he unhooked the phones and hid them.
When i was 8, there was another episode of physical abuse (he grabbed me by my hair and threw me) after this, my mom took him to court and we stopped visiting him for a while. Everything has been a real mess ever since the court got involved. My dad denied the abuse and neglect for the first 2 years and no one believed me, my sister or my mom when we told the truth. a couple years later, he finally admitted to it. We started visiting my dad again on and off. Sometimes things are better between us and then they get bad again and i stop talking to him for a while. I am still in contact with him today and have a fairlly good relationship

moving on...i was diagnosed with depression, PTSD, and a language processing disorder when i was about 8 or 9. I still dont really understand why i was ever diagnosed with PTSD. I've never had flashbacks of the events that happened to me and i never feel like i am reliving them. I have memories of the things my dad did, but they are just memories.

so anyway, i started to hear the voices when i was about 3 or 4 (at least, thats the earliest i can remember hearing them) they weren't voices of my dad or anyone familiar and they happened out of no where. The voices were unfamiliar and fast and raspy and monsterous, but they didn't seem to have anything to do with what my dad did to me. Most of the time, it was hard to even make sense out of what they were saying.

over my childhood, i had problems in school. I was always different and "weird" to the other kids, so i had toruble making friends. I always had bad grades and had trouble doing the schoolwork. It always seemed very difficult for me and i had trouble with analyzing it and concentrating and all that.

Well, things didnt get real bad until i was 16. I got real depressed around this time--became suicidal and was self injuring a lot more. I dont know why i became so depressed..it must have just been a chemical thing.
Soon, my hallucinations and such started coming back and getting worse too. I started seeing things (externally and internally) and hearing voices again (mostly internal)
This is also around the time that all the depersonalization feelings and other weird body feelings started up. I had never had anything like this before this time. First it started with me having feelings of my hands and arms not being a part of me and looking deformed and such and floating away from me. After i got on antidepressants, things got a lot better and almost all of my psychotic symptoms disappeared for a while too. a few months later, the delusions and hallucinations started coming back mildly. It took about a year and a half for them to get where they are now are now. I am not depressed anymore and have not been for over a year and a half. But the psychosis and thought problems and negative symptoms continue to get worse. My bodily illusions and such came back only a bit differently. No i mostly have feelings like i am detached from myself and distorted and the feelings of being possessed/inhibited by other people and such.

I dont have any anxiety about what my dad did to me years ago. I rarely even think about it anymore. I am not afraid of my dad, though i still dont completly trust him , not because of the abuse, but because he is a dishonest, manipulative, immature, rude person and always goes back on his word. I feel like i recovered many years ago from the abuse he inflicted. I dont have any worries about it or anything.

also, dont know if this should be concidered, but schizophrenia runs in my family. My grandmother had it, my aunt had it, my uncle had it, and my othe raunt was a hypochondriac. My mom has clinical depression, and my dad has been diagnosed with clinical depression, but possibly has bipolar disorder.
And also, i have been on antipsychotics a few times and these made all my symptoms go away (the voices, visions, delusions,paranoia, bodily feelings and such) oh, but they did not help with my negative symptoms.

At the presant time, i am on antidepressants and i have hardly any anxiety or depressed mood or anything. Actually, my emotions are mostly very flat. I have not self injured for a long time or felt suicidal, but i still have these schizophrenia symptoms and they seem to be slowly getting a little worse.

-Becka