I guess the ideal control would be to control your emotions, be able to feel, but able to control how much it effects you. Maybe thats the goal you could set yourself. Rather than being fearful of the emotions and thinking they will swamp you, I guess you have to look at it like this.

Right now you get enjoyment out of controlling others i assume, sorry if its a wrong assumption. But I fear you want to be able to control yourself deep down, and it gets shot out at other people instead. Maybe a goal for you could be to be able to control how much something will effect you in the long run.

A very very hard life goal, but a worth while one I think. Not sure I'm voicing my self amazingly. I can relate not personally, but from an out side viewer of a few people I know with the same problem.

In fact just a couple of years ago I went through learning what emotions are. Instead of naming them like others do, because this just confuses me, I used to draw them in colours or shapes as I sensed them. I understand if your not at the stage of sensing them yet. At first for me, I'm sure your different but just me 2 cents, I couldn't feel a certain emotion, infact I'd feel nothing most of the time until I got this huge mix of emotion, then itd go back to nothing again. I started picking apart the huge mix and assigning shapes and colours to each part of it, even if it wasn't the same way other people saw or distinguished them. Eventually as time went on i noticed flickers of each emotion, and could recognise the colour or shape i associated to it, eventually I learnt which colour or shape I saw when, and could work with it accordingly. I did this through art therapy.

Does that make any sense for you? I hope so, I don't know if it helps in the slightest, as everyone is so different in these circumstances, and as I wasn't exactly the same I can't say I can fully relate. Any way take care, I hope you make the right choice for you.