Please beware this could cause a trigger (I dont know/cant see the trigger icon)

A good friend of mine has been suffering from Cancer for sometime, he died this week and I have been meaning to see him for the past two weeks and I NEVER MADE IT GRRRRRR....., I want to talk to him but I can't

I feel so guilty not getting to see him I've not been able to sleep properly
I've been awake for what feels like 30+ hrs

I've been using the site alot today to try and distract how I feel, but everytime I settle and when I Leave the site to try and sleep the anger/guilt just comes back.

I just dont know how to settle !!!

Could do with a hug