Sometimes I have this feeling that I am hiding inside myself.

I do it when there is a feeling of being overwhelmed on some level. For example, as I work through this depression, T has been so so so supportive. At the same time he has been pushing me a bit (grrrrrr). The "push" comes in the form of self-care suggestions that a parent would make to a child such as talking about nutrition and exercise, medication, and the like.

I have always had a personal policy of not lying or wasting my time in therapy. It's like taking days off--I just don't do it. But the other day in-session, I had the distinct feeling that I was "yessing him to death." I figured if I just sit and nod he will get off my back eventually. I know that was the child me and I was moving quickly back and forth between adult and child self states. Then he said, "I just don't want to see you neglect yourself." That brought back the adult me and made me feel like I was healing in real time. As a kid, nobody ever cared if I was neglected.

It has been really hard for a while now and I just know I can't quit because there is someone who cares. Sigh.