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Wants2Fly · Apr 25, 2005, 12:46 AM

Dear Candy –

I am sorry that you have to work so hard and that you are hurting. I know that life isn’t a bowl of cherries for you and that lashing out at me is a symptom of the stresses in your own life. Your posts are not "challenging"; they are myopically self-centered. In fact, you have done a tremendous amount of extrapolating and inference.

The post that started this thread doesn't mention my joblessness or money situation. I did mention it on another thread. Have you been saving up resentments so you could hit me with them all at once?

It's a long way from "I may wind up in Austin yet" to "Why are you thinking of moving again?" In fact, I cannot move for 2 years because of the capital gains tax that prevents me from selling and condo rules that prevent me from subletting for 2 years. You charge that I am avoiding the "real issues" -- but you are creating issues out of whole cloth. Your posts say more about your resentments than anything that could possibly be construed as useful to me.

When we come to the Forums to post, sometimes we don’t want to give our whole life story, and other people, who come here with their own problems, don’t have the time or the energy to read it.

I should think, having coped with the hand you’ve been dealt, you might realize that a simplistic answer, such as “get a job” is not always as simple as it seems on the surface.

The last time I did temp work, I had to spend more money on chiropractic and massage than I earned at the job. The arthritis in my neck and shoulders also caused severe headaches. I now know that is probably due to some form of interconnective tissue disease.

My current work as an adjunct professor and the online teaching from home creates a schedule that would make it difficult to accept temp jobs – even if my body could take it. When I was 40 – your age – SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO, I had more energy and was coping better, in terms of working my ****** off, than I am now able to do. The cognitive disorientation created by post-stress trauma syndrome also makes it difficult for me to do what I used to do. I still can’t read more than a few pages in a simple novel. I would not be able to read over 200 pages a night of theoretical research as I did in grad school—what seems like such a short time ago, but is actually more than 9 years in the past. A lifetime ago.

My experience of temping is that it is quite rigorous. One has to be a “fast study.” Go into an office where there is too much work for the regular staff – that’s why they are hiring you, the temp – and become the life-saver. Moreover, the temp is not part of the regular staff, so you are an easy person to dump on when tempers flare.

Would I temp anyway, despite the physical pain and the tremendous fear that I can’t cope with the stress of temping? Yes, I had picked out several places to put in applications. Then the online teaching job came along (and it involves rigorous training with a mentor), and it takes all the energy I have to keep up with that and my ground class. I am increasing my ground class teaching in May, and upping it yet again in the fall. I think this is a relatively safe way of figuring out how much stress I can take. Considering that my post didn’t mention money or joblessness, I wonder why you seized on that as something to lecture me about.

I am doing what I can to sell things I ebay, experimenting with items owned and cheap found objects, to see if there really is an income to be made there.

I have applied at bookstores, but I may have to minimize my education, as I’ve not had any bites so far. I’d like to work in a frame shop for a while, if I can find anyone to teach me the craft of framing and mat cutting. I apply for 40/hr week jobs – anything that is even mildly suitable, even though I am concerned about whether I can handle the rigors.

I currently am actively searching for a new therapist because my old one is an hour and a half away. We had a reached a stuck place anyway.

I agree that it would be beneficial if I believed that I had a purpose. I cannot manufacture one out of thin air, however, just because I know it would be a good thing, anymore than I can wave a wand and be healthy in body, mind, spirit.

Our various manifestations of disease create a variety of symptoms. I would have thought that you, struggling with your own symptoms, would be sympathetic to that.

I am neither stupid nor lazy nor unresourceful. I deeply resent the implications of your post. What is challenging about a simplistic solution to a complex situation? 

I think you would be hurt if someone at Psych Central responded to anything you posted by implying that you weren’t doing everything of which you were capable to keep control of things.