Alex,

I can understand the feelings you are having. There are times when I resent everything and everybody.

I don't know how other people do it but I try very hard to remember why they are here. They came to protect me and even when sometimes it seems like they are doing a really bad job of it....I try and remember that they are doing what they feel is right for the whole. They do not know any better.

It has been a long time since I "started" journaling. I can't remember how we started. If I were going to start today I would ask questions that I wanted answered. Not maybe real in depth about lost memories or anything but general questions like names and such.

Try maybe to indentify the others. Just write anything. Start writing what you did for the day. Maybe when they are front they will respond in kind. There are no promises here but be patient and it will come.

That state you talked about does happen sometimes. I have felt caught between a "switch". I don't know if this is actually what happens but it does feel like that. It has never led me to the hospital but it is very hard to get through.

There is no reason for embarrassment. You responded to a stressful situation the best you could. In the hospital is better than it could have been. No matter the rational behind it.

I am hoping you the best. Sorry this got so long.

Take care.

place