For me it is trust. Anxious attachment and trust. Nothing is constant, or appears to be constant. Everything is suspect including motives.

Stemming from anxious attachment. Attachment needed for development but not able to be trusted because the attachment was insufficient, inconsistant. and motivated not by my needs.

I've had a lifetime of insecurity, very shallow relationships, deep loneliness, emptiness, hopelessness.

With T, it is sometimes wonderful, sometimes very anxiety-provoking. I often project and am suspicious, think she has hidden motives (yet when we talk about it I don't understand how I could think that of her, she is not malicious or retaliatory, etc.), I am afraid she's going to kick me out (although that gets better with each crises we get through together).

Yeah, for me it is trust. We know this and we know it takes time and that it isn't linear but has ups and downs in it's development. When it's there, it feels good, and the relationshiop with T feels good, comfortable, close.