Nowheretorun - I wish it would be that easy for me. I struggle with wanting to cut so bad to relieve all the anxiety, just to feel something besides the headaches and other disturbing side effects of the depression and other emotional/mental things I'm struggling with. I truly believe that I only try to stay safe for my supports wishes so as not to disappoint them. I know that cutting is not theirs or my desired coping skill. But, it seems to be the only thing that truly works for me. It has been on my mind constantly since Thursday, but due to not being alone I have resisted. I am most certain that come tomorrow I will most likely cave as I will be alone until Wednesday. It scares me how at risk I am going to be as I can hardly wait to get home to be alone within my comfort zone. I doubt that I can resist the urges I've been having. I'm not saying that my mind is made up and I will cut, it's just the stressors that I'll be facing when I get home. I am open to any suggestions. As for healing, I think I'm too far gone for any hope of that. It's been 30+ years and no matter how hard I try not to injure myself or how long between episodes I hit the wall and crash. The relief that come as little as it lasts is soooo welcomed to ground me and let me move forward. Sorry to ramble - I'm just trying to cope as best I can.