Quote:
Originally Posted by chaotic13
I want to talk about stuff with my T; sometime even feel compelled to. I've often wondered....was this a good want/need to develop? After I stop going will this urge go away or will I just transfer it to others people? Have I developed a craving for something that isn't likely to be met so easily by someone else? Part of me is hoping I will just adapt like I've always done when people come and go in my life. Then again another part of me is hoping that I will feel different this time. That my urge to make close connections just wont go away.
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I think of this often as well. I told my T that I am starting to feel and that I don't like it, it makes me feel like a wimp because much of this stuff never consciously bothered me before. I could go and go without really feeling, thats the way I coped and it worked for me. Yet, I realize when it comes to relationships, I am lacking and that was something I knew I needed to work on, this is when all the other stuff came into play (CSA ect). I don't like dealing with it because of the way it makes me feel.
She keeps telling me its a good thing and in time it will get better. That I will learn to trust people in going through this safe relationship with her, I still find that hard to believe but I'm not on the other side of it yet, so I don't know. I fear all of this will only make me worse off. In a sense there are times where I feel like I am not in control the way I use to be and that worries me. Ugh... I hate the unknown
hangingon