I understand this very well, Capp. It's become our "normal" state. Feeling otherwise feels much more uncomfortable to us--no wonder we are hesitant to do it!

Once I told my counselor he was "too nice." I knew that sounded insane, but it makes sense; I couldn't trust that someone would be helpful without wanting to hurt me, and to try to trust that felt...very, very wrong.

Keep plugging away. You're discovering a lot lately, it seems.