OMG Kimmydawn. There are so many ways a perm can go wrong!
First you have to have healthy enough hair. If you have delicate hair that's color treated and especialy hilighted, it may not be able to stand going thru the melt-down involved. I have turned away many people wanting perms because I know the hair wont survive.
Also using too small rod, too strong solution, leaving it on too long, bad wrap job. All those things in combo or alone can wreck your hair! I'd be willing to guess you had most of those things happen.
I'm so sorry you have your hair destroyed. Thank God it grows!
Ya'know back in the 80's that's all we did was premanents, there for your older stylist should have plenty of knowlege on perming hair, as in my case. I do probably 90% of the perms that come into our salon because of my experience. The demand isn't there today so the younger stylist don't get the experience. Not only that, we are doing way more with color than we did back in the 80's and you have to factor that in.

For now the best thing you can do is keep it as short as you can stand it till it grows out.