Hang in there. I spent quite a few years of my life in the grips of maddening delusions. It felt like a constant waking nightmare; a constant battle that no one could win. I hope you seeing someone about this. No one should have to suffer like this without help. I finally got on the right meds and stayed on them and my symptoms have all but disappeared.

"Tried to believe but you know its no good,
This is something that just can't be understood."
neil peart