I wouldn't get a dx with her for 2 reasons. First, she does not have a doctorate and her job isn't to diagnose you, that's for psychologists, psychiatrists, neuropsychologists, etc.. . Second, she seems a bit reluctant to be objective.

Also you need more than a few symptoms to be dx'ed. There's a criteria to be met, which is not always the same as the symptoms. The fact that she may not be using the criteria is a whole other story.

If you meet the criteria and have the required or more than the required amount of symptoms then you may consider having the disorder. But checking only for symptoms is wrong.

Control can be important for many things. I don't think it's necessary for borderline but it may be a symptom.

Don't get confused between the terminology of symptom, syndrome and diagnostic criteria (and some goes for her).

I'd say try to get a psychologist or psychiatrist, even if that means her giving a referral, and tell them you want them to give a proper dx. You may also say, if they ask, what you think you may have.