Went to see my T today - explained to him why I was upset with him. He's so good to me most of the time [sigh]. He is going to try to write more informally to me and I'm supposed to let him know how that works......lol.

He explored my mind a little too much today - a million red flags and bombs went off in my head - caused me to cry all the way home and end up with a headache (at least it wasn't from the test).

It reminded me of dominoes - he pushed and they all fell. When I was leaving, he asked me if I would be alright....I said I'd be fine, and then he called me and asked me again - to which I replied with the truth, and said "no". But I did tell him I would stay together tonight, but that I knew once I returned to my hotel and I was alone, the thoughts and voices would have a field day. All the way home, those stupid voices drove me crazy and I couldn't shut them up.

His assessment, which made sense, provoked such a need for darkness - to shut up the voices, to quiet the pain, to have a break from playing the "I'm fine" game with the world.......I am so far away from my T up there, that I feel like I am on an island all alone.

The voices are quiet now, I think the migraine has silenced them for the night.

And oh what fun - back to work tomorrow.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs to all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}